so im leaving MLK.

and you know what? im happy about that.

sure, im leaving friends behind. sure, im leaving awsome teachers behind. sure, i have to give up orchestra.

but for those three bads, there's hundreds of good.

not too long ago, after the shit with diana happened, i said something interesting to a friend. we were talking on the phone, and i was still feeling like utter crap. i mentioned leaving MLK (this was before we found the new school); he said, "you can't! what about your friends?"

i told him, "Eric, another month of that and my friends won't matter. Another month of that... and I'll be in the hospital again. Or I'll be dead. Because if I have to deal with that for any longer... then I'll take the pills this time, I'll slit my wrists this time. I won't just think about it. I'll do it- because any more, and all I'll be is a shell. A girl with nothing more to live for."

and i meant it. i still do. there's only so many times you can stop yourself. i used up my last chance when i asked for help- and after that, there's only so many times you can look at that bottle of pills, that knife, when you're depressed and wonder why you don't just do it.

there's only so much you can deal with until you join the statistics.

every 18 minutes, a person in the US dies of suicide. suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death in teens and young adults. aprox. 2000 teens commit suicide each year in the US. aprox. 1/4 of teenagers consider suicide.

it's hard to imagine- but it's real. remember that. remember that your words can hurt people. and remember that it's okay to ask for help.

so here's what i want to say to everyone that hurt me, that made me think that way...

fuck you.

may you get your payback, and may you get it well.

im still here- you didn't make me slip. so fuck you.

-Noelle