so tomorrow's my birthday- 14 years old. woo. im doing the teenage party- pizza party at Killer Pizza From Mars and a sleepover.

i feel like i should be happy- but im not. i think a lot to do with it is the fact that travis isn't here- that's really hard. i miss him so much, and it's hard to put it in words. it's like... no one else compares to him. he can always make me smile... and he's not here.

but it goes beyond that.

everything's going so right... im in a good school, im making friends, my hand's coming out of the cast soon, i only need braces for a year... everything's looking up.

but i feel like im living at rock bottom, and i can't see a way out for the dark.

it scares me. because ive felt like this before. and i don't know what will happen if i get that desperate again. will i be able to ask for help? or was that my last chance?

hopefully ill feel better. i hope so.

-noelle